Marriage

I love this clip. 

It is one of my favorite segments from the classic comedy The Princess Bride and is almost certain to be heard around my house at any moment when the subject of marriage is brought up.  

As the clip illustrates, the emotions in a marriage can change on a dime.  It is filled with laughter, disappointment and, at times, anger but, in all things,  it is about the pursuit of True Love.  Intuitively, as a follower of Jesus, I know that True Love is meant to be found in a relationship with the Father but in reality…following Jesus and being married can be tough.

C’mon…you take two broken people with years of baggage and put them together for life…what do you expect.  As John Eldredge says, its like putting Cinderella together with Huck Finn and expecting it to work out without any issues?

Speaking of Eldredge, my wife and I, along with several other couples, made the trek to Charlotte to listen to John & Staci Eldredge speak about marriage last night.  Now, for those of you unfamiliar with the Eldredge’s, they are the founders of Ransomed Heart, a relational ministry out of Colorado that has published best sellers like Wild at Heart and Captivating.

Having attended their Boot Camp in Colorado several years ago, I have become a huge fan of their message of restoration and healing….and what marriage isnt in desperate need of both of these?

While last night’s session was centered around the tour promoting their new book Love and War, it was also a message of hope to married couples.  You see, married couples are engaged in a great love story set amidst a great war.  Not only do we bring in decades of individual baggage but we have an Adversary that hates the entire institution and he utilizes his most common weapon of “divide and conquer” to tear apart couples who are not aware of his tactics.

While it can be as confrontational as abuse or neglect, the damage that comes is often more subtle in the form of agreements we make with the Enemy about our spouse and our marriage.  It comes with such ease in phrases like “…she doesn’t really understand  me” or “…he never really listens to what I say” or (insert your own lie here).  Each agreement, compounded over years, clouds how we relate to our partner and will serve as the lens through which we filter most every interaction.  Acknowledging and breaking these agreements is step one in wrestling back the reins of control in our marriages.

Please don’t dismiss these agreements as inconsequential.  Each is just one of a thousand paper cuts (see my previous post) that, over time, causes an infection that harms the entire body. 

My wife and I have just begun to talk about the ways we have made agreements about each other in our marriage and frankly, its a scary conversation.  There are things I know I have done in our marriage that have caused damage and some of these agreements were made as a direct result of my actions but invariably, they hit at something much deeper in her….those places where wounds have existed for years.  And it is precisely those wounded places that Satan attacks when he whispers his lies.

But…Hope comes in the One who can heal these wounds…it springs from a Father who anxiously awaits our cry out to Him to rescue us from our own insanity…it lies deeply rooted in a Savior who died to free us from the bondage and captivity of our past. 

Take stock today…be aware as you move about your day, how your heart can quickly respond with a tape about your spouse that sounds strangely familiar.  It is accusatory…promotes Self…and characteristically blames others.  If you find yourself aware of this tape playing in your head…step back and ask the Father to reveal its true root and give it over to Him.  Making this our response to these agreements is the new habit which leads to a new response toward the dearest ones in our lives.