A letter to Jesus

Today is my birthday Jesus.

I know this comes as no surprise to you, being Lord of Creation, as you had a hand in the whole thing, knitting me together and all. 

I have much to be thankful for…the blessing of a loving wife…the depth of true brotherhood.  But on this 44th birthday, I sip coffee and peck away at my laptop, thankful for the loving, almost surgical way in which you are revealing a new heart in me.    

I’ve settled for so much less than what you intended for me Jesus.  I admit that I had no idea what you were calling me to and that I have overlooked not only my own glory but also of those that you have put in my path.

I am broken in so many ways Jesus and I so desperately need you as my Father.  My fractures and fissures are deep and my enemy’s stronghold well fortified.  But…thank you for answering my unspoken pleas for rescue and coming after that young boy in me…healing the broken places and ushering me forward toward the man that you intend for me to be. 

Jesus, take my face in your hands, even in my active rebellion…when I refuse to listen and follow your good path and speak tenderly to me.  Look deep within me Lord, to those areas where rebellion has found refuge and illuminate the healing path.  Do not leave me alone on this path Jesus as the terrain is unfamiliar and I quickly find myself lost in the thicket.

Around each corner, my “old life” beckons to me…promising what it cannot deliver.  The truest part of me does not want to go back to the safety of my “old life” as it really offers no security at all but my flesh is conniving and tempts me with a sense of familiarity and comfort.

At times, I admit that I feel like a caged bird who can see the freedom of the forest from my perch but has grown comfortable with the perceived safety of my small existence.  Jesus, rescue me from the smallness of my thinking.

I know you’ve ransomed me but like a prisoner held captive for so many decades, it is hard to recognize liberty.  The doors of my cell may have swung open and the light of your presence in my life has pierced the darkness but what is in the light is unknown.  In the darkness, there was constancy and security.

Years of the enemy’s propaganda against my heart have planted seeds of doubt in my mind, saying that you cant be trusted…that your liberty really isnt freedom. 

I recognize that, while you have freed me from the bonds of captivity, you wont force me to leave my prison cell but merely call me forth like Lazarus from the grave.

Keep calling me Jesus…help me recognize that its you who beckons.