A Wealthy Man

I am a wealthy man…

Not as the world would define with riches of gold, for my inheritance is imperishable, birthed in Heaven, cross-crafted just for me.  My birth right was purchased at the highest price - with nails and wood, spear and crown of thorns.  How dearly loved I must be!

I am a wealthy man…for I have been invited to feast at the King’s table, not as a guest or servant but as a beloved son, engrafted in and given life where there once was only the stench of death.

I am a wealthy man…for I have been given an invitation to intimate communion.  The gift of life, hidden away just for me since before the world was even conceived. 

I am a wealthy man…for I have been given the promise of splendor in the fading bloom of my earthly body. 

I am a wealthy man…because I’ve walked through the pain of divorce and yet, by His grace, was given a second chance to experience the wonder of marriage as God intended.

I am a wealthy man…for I have marveled at the birth of one daughter even while being deprived of a relationship with another.

I am a wealthy man…for I have walked to the edge of the cliff with my son and yet seen the hand of Jesus intervene and save us from our demise.

I am a wealthy man…because I’ve walked many a lonely season with my guilt and shame and yet have been welcomed as a brother and fellow journeyman in another.

I am a wealthy man…because I have failed.

I am a wealthy man…because no matter how far I fell today, no matter how many times I failed, no matter how faithless my steps may have been, I have never been more loved, accepted and forgiven by my Father.

And for that, and all of these things, I am a wealthy man…

Simplicity

I am growing to love…and crave a simpler way of life.  Quiet time with my wife, a walk in the woods, an afternoon of bowling with my daughter simply because it thrills her to spend that time alone with Dad!

I have struggled for years with the typical wants and desires of an adult male in this world.  Dont get me wrong, I can still hunker down with my HDTV and iPod with the best of ‘em, but I have a growing disdain for the complexities that society sets as some sort of standard…a benchmark that we are supposed to struggle to attain.  How much stuff do we really need?

Work can bring this complexity…family can bring it and so can friends.  I find great pleasure in those relationships that just seem to have a simple ease to them.  There is an unhurried pace, a casual and comfortable stride…there are no lofty expectations…no agenda…just the simple ease of enjoying each others company.  These relationships are unfortunately rare.

My good friend, Sweet Ben, told us one evening that he was tired of trying to live up to some standard that society has elevated before him (hope I captured that right my friend).  He deeply desires to live out of the deep wellspring that Jesus has built within him and the pressure he feels when “society” clashes with the heart’s desire, brings him to the end of himself.  I appreciate that about my friend…the raw honesty that the world (society at large) has little to offer those who desire to live deeply out of the Jesus within them. 

I understand what he is articulating because I am there as well.  I am weary from trying to “keep up with the Jones’s” and want to live more simply.  

Deep in our hearts, if we are honest…this echoes with all of us. 

Vacation

So, what are you planning to do with your Summer vacation?

You may have plans to visit the beach or mountains…or just stay home because who the heck can afford to travel with gas at $4.00/gallon?  Either way, we are all sure to take some time for ourselves this Summer.

It always seems like we go into debt to go on vacation….work hard all year long and then work even harder to pay off the bills from vacation when you return.  (whew! I am tired just thinking about it)

I was talking with the mother of my daughters friend today when she asked what we had planned for the Summer to which I replied “We’re taking a vacation to the Carribbean in June“  Sounds nice enough, right?  So, I lobbed the same question back at her expecting a similar response to which he excitedly shared about their impending trip to Africa to serve on the mission field as a family..caring for orphans in Uganda.

OK…so now I feel like crap.  Laying on the beach in the Carribbean with a rum punch or serving the LORD on the mission field, caring for orphans in Africa.  Man…what’s up with that!

I have written in my blog about the desire to live a life of substance…to make an impact, so there was something that really resonated with me about their plans to travel to Africa for the summer but I selfishly crave a week alone with my wife on beach too.

I’m not sure that I really need to do anything more with this unless God prompts me but it will sure be interesting when we all get together with our vacation pictures at the end of the Summer and they hoist Polaroids of themselves hugging orphans and I pass around the ones of me frolicing around in the azure waters off St Maarten.

Come to think of it…maybe we can visit an orphanage on the island while we’re there.

 

Trout

My favorite fish inhabit one of God’s perfect places…the mountains! 

There are not many things I enjoy more than hitting a well stocked stream on a crisp Spring morning on the prowl for a gigantic Rainbow.

Trout fishing goes to something deeper with me.  As a younger man, my friends and I fished the rivers of the Apache Indian Reservation…high country camping and fishing that take me back to a simpler time in my life.  I can almost hear the whisper of the wind in the Ponderosa pines and babbling of the confluence of the east and west forks of the Black River in Arizona.  It was a time of exploration…of the mountains and of my heart.

I rekindled my love for fly fishing recently with a trip to the mountains of western NC…a day trip with two dear brothers.  For the most part, we talked on the car ride up and back but fished quietly and intently during the remainder of the trip, occasionally hoisting a beautiful Brown for the other to see before releasing it back into the chilly waters of the Watauga River.

Standing knee deep in the water with the smell of the cool mountain air is like a slice of Heaven to me.  I can almost imagine Jesus, meeting me at the pearly gates with a fly rode in hand as we trek toward a well stocked trout river…a place He picked out to share just with me, where we while away the hours, fishing, laughing and enjoying the thrill of the hunt.

The Bible does say that he “gives me the desires of my heart”,  doesnt it?

Fight For Joy!

What is it with the pace of life?

We scurry around like a bunch of rats, working furiously…packing as much into a day as possible.  Appointments, meetings, maybe a hurried bite of lunch leading to another afternoon of deadlines.  We arrive home exhausted with still more work to be done…soccer practice for the kids, homework, dinner (probably fast food on the way to soccer).  We collapse into a lump at the end of it all…exhausted.

I find that when life looks too much like this, I have very little joy.  I internalize the stress of making a living…to stay on top of the “overhead” of my family…you know, the amount it costs each month just to keep your family running.  It can get ridiculous if you look closely at it!

Busyness like this is the thief of joy in my life.  I find no fulfilment in a packed calendar…in fact, there are mornings when I wake up with a subtle dread just thinking about it all.  Ultimately, I find joy spending time with friends over coffee…a relaxing evening talking with my wife on the patio…fly fishing in the western NC mountains…time alone with God.

The common thread in all of these “joyous activities” is the slower pace…and, if I think about it, the pleasure of relationships.

John Eldredge reminds us…”don’t let the pace of life sweep you on, and suddenly it’s August and you realize, “Gosh, we were going to take some needed time for our hearts but now it feels too late to plan anything.”  Fight for joy.  You will nearly always have to fight for joy.”

The Bible teaches us that the “joy of the Lord is our strength“.   Notice that it doesn’t say that His Joy translates into Joy for us…it says that His  Joy is our  Strength.  It doesnt say that I am to experience Joy but rather the outcome of the Lord’s Joy would be strength for me.

We can learn much from looking more closely at the Hebrew definitions for Joy and Strength.  The word for Joy actually translates into…believe it or not…JOY, or Gladness.  The word for Strength here is ma`owz  which means a “safe harbour, a place of refuge and human protection“.  We can find peace for our souls there…rest from the weariness and busyness of the lives we subject ourselves to. 

So..what brings Joy to the Lord?  Intimacy with His children…Love spilling over within the Body of Christ…Unity?  I think it’s a measure of all of these things which seem to center on RELATIONSHIP.  Between us and God…and between each of His children.  He created us to live in relationship as the Trinity lives in relationship.

Where do you find contentment?  Is it in a cubicle with your computer or in the company of great friends over a delicious meal?   Where do you find peace and rest for your soul?  Is is in a traffic jam on your way to the office or is it found playing Frisbee with your kids at the park?

Challenge yourself this week to look closely at the level of Joy in your life.  Pay close attention to the undercurrent of your heart and live in response to it.  Allow the Wild Goose to lead and guide you into His Joy…which is your strength for living!

Things are not as they seem

My son celebrated his 18th birthday tonight.

In attendance were my wife, my daughter and 30 of the kids from his drug treatment program.  Not exactly the white picket fence idea that you dream of when getting started as a father but let me tell you, it was the perfect celebration as it represented so much more than a birthday.  It was a celebration of sobriety…a celebration of the journey from conflict to peace…a celebration of hope.

I decided to stoke the coals in the firepit after the kids adjourned to someone else’s house to crash for the evening and as I sat there, I recalled the place that we were in just 8 months earlier.  We had a serious fracture in our family dynamic…a cancerous tumor festering in our hearts toward one another (especially stepfather to stepson), the cause of which was not one or two specific events but rather years of conditional love and lofty expectations.  Expectations that were unnecessarily heaped on a confused young boy who desparately needed to be loved and accepted for who he was…not who I wanted him to be.

It’s hard to see the progress at times but considering the lingering effects of last night, it isnt difficult to relish this new place we are in.  You see, I had a difficult evening yesterday (the details of which are in a previous blog) but suffice it to say that unfortunately, my son bears the scars from several barbs that I threw his way.  What was different this time is that instead of selfishly allowing them to fester…languishing in a place of self-righteousness, I called him to apologize and repent for my wrongdoing and in doing so, allowed God to move in the midst of that sin to effect some healing.

The act of repenting and asking forgiveness from the one you have wronged is one of the most powerful things in the Kingdom of God.  It has profound effects on both parties through some kind of spiritual exchange that we will never fully understand this side of Heaven.

So…as I pour water on the coals and head off to slumber, my heart is thankful for the difficult times and how God loves to show up in these situations to be the Hero that is truly is.

House of Cards

Life feels like a house of cards sometimes.

It’s easy to be lulled into a false sense of security…taking for granted that there will always be enough but for most of us, if we were really honest with ourselves, we would say that we felt as if we were just one mishap from having the whole house cave in around us.

For the most part, I find myself enjoying life.  In fact, I had what most would call a great weekend.  I went fly fishing with two of my best friends, I put two houses under contract (I sell real estate for a living) and I went to a Memorial Day BBQ with friends but tonight, as I got home, I was hit with this nagging pressure.  An underlying fear of not coming through for my family.  Pressing thoughts that it could all just as quickly come down around me.

Tonight, this pressure came in the form of finances.  Will there be enough money…for house payments, expenses, tuition?  I wrestle with this issue of stewardship as I find myself struggling with a “hoarding mentality“.  By this, I mean that I feel as if I must store up as much as I can today since there are absolutely no guarantees for tomorrow.  So, what used to be a generous nature, turns sour and begins to hoard.  Not only that but to deal with the pressure, my flesh screams that I should indulge myself because “I’ve earned it“.  I should buy that new pair of shoes…stop by the local sporting goods store….you know the drill!

A huge of part this pressure is related to being in a 100% sales environment…in an industry that is struggling right now.  I feel the constant pressure of being “on call”  for my clients…that I should always being “doing something” to bring in new business.

Though it is self-inflicted, I struggle against the pressure to come through for everyone as well..  I feel the anxiety of being the provider, the supportive husband and parent, the dutiful businessman, the dependable friend.  Most times, I handle it well but at other times, it slices like a surgeon’s knife, leaving me gutted.  It leaves me with a wounded heart..feeling overwhelmed…sucker-punched and open to the call of my flesh to just check out…seek comfort…something to ease the pressure.

In the end, all of this translates into a trust issue. 

Do I really trust God…with my finances…with my family…with my business?

I dont have the answer to that question tonight…

Peer Pressure

Never let it be said that there isn’t peer pressure in a small group!  Our typically sane meeting turned into a head shaving event this past week.  (I’m the one in the middle with the mohawk).

Kory…you have a budding career as a barber if the cop thing ever falls through.  You just never know what to expect with my trendsetting band of brothers!

The “Old Man”

“There is one who lurks in the shadows, a cunning adversary that makes his home in the dark recesses.  He hates the light, prefering to linger in the twilight.

Whiny and obsessive, he slithers around on the edge of consciousness, waiting for an opportunity to exert his influence…any attempt to control.

His presence is tangible…I find evidence of him late at night or in times of solitude but he is, at the same time, elusive and hard to pin down, especially when I wish to confront him for his betrayal.

I know he’s there because I invited him…a guest of unimaginable deceitfulness, bent on making me a prisoner in my own life.  

 I have grown to hate my “old man” as much as I do the devil and his destructive activities.

No, when I say “old man”, I’m not talking about my father but rather the sinful nature, or “flesh”  that Paul teaches us about in Romans.

As Christians, we often want to blame the devil for our problems when in fact, we have a vicious enemy which lies within.  Yes, our spirits were renewed when we accepted Jesus as our Savior but what failed to change was the corrupted flesh that remains.  There is no escaping the fact that we will continue to play a proverbial game of tug-of-war with the flesh.  Paul illustrates this in Galatians 5:16 when he exhorts us to “live by the Spirit and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature.  For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit…for they are in conflict with one another so that you do not do what you want.”

Believers have allowed sinful patterns of behavior and thinking to develop over the course of years.  At some point, we become numb, almost blind to them, as they pervade our thinking and become the very things we turn to for comfort instead of Jesus. 

Where do you run when life begins to invade?  Do you pour yourself deeper into work or do you pour yourself another glass of wine?  Do you head to the shopping mall or do you do head to the refrigerator?

These malignant coping mechanisms may be socially acceptable or they may be the variety that heap loads of guilt and shame on your head but either way, we have been given a way out! 

Thank God that Jesus, through the power of His Spirit, has defeated this foe and has given us all that is necessary to combat these enemies but WE have an active part to play in the process.  WE are commanded to cloth ourselves with the armor of God…WE are commanded to resist the devil…WE are commanded to take our thoughts captive.  Each of these actions requires something of us….to ENGAGE…to RESIST…to MAKE A CHOICE! 

I argue that, for the believer who still struggles, you have a decision that you are faced with each time that sin knocks at your door.  Do you entertain it…invite it inside or do you pick up the Sword of the Spirit and get busy RESISTING?

God says in Deuteronomy that he puts before us “…life and death, blessing and curses.” and then He says “Now, CHOOSE life!” 

So…the choice is yours!  

Slaves to our choices

I stayed home from church today with a head cold. 

I’m a miserable patient and it was probably a good break for my wife to go to church without me so I decided to have my own service with the Lord.  I opened my Bible to Deuteronomy and came across a familiar passage (30:19) in which God tells the Israelites “…I have set before you life and death, blessing and curses.  Now, choose life…”

I started thinking about the word chooseand the risk He took in giving his children the gift of “free will”.  Intellectually, I understand that had He not done so, it would have simply created a race of automatons who simply followed Him out of a sense of duty and obedience but the more I pondered the significance of that gift, the more I began to see the sum of my choices as a spiritual act.

We are faced with choices everyday, most of which are not life-defining but the sheer sum of them chart a course in our lives.  A desire for a certain standard of living leads one to choose a certain career field which evolves into choices to stay late at work, missing the kids’ soccer games and recitals.  Getting home after a grueling day leads to the decision to throw down a glass or two of wine and tune into Sportscenter instead of engaging your spouse.  A day in the life of the average guy but charted out over the course of some months and years, it develops a pattern for living…and coping.

We all bow down at one altar or another. 

A friend of mine works at a hospital, assisting a doctor as a Physician’s Assistant.  One morning, he told us the story of his current boss who, early on in his marriage, told his wife, “you will be well provided for…you won’t lack for money but lets get this straight…I love my job so don’t place any expectations on me to be home…my work comes first”.

How shockingly sad!  Two young kids that will essentially grow up without the positive influence of a father, a wife destined to a life without the tenderness of her husband.  They have bowed down at the altar of success…money…status.

As Paul says in Romans 6, “Dont you know that when you offer yourself to someone to obey him as slaves, you are a slave to the one you obey - whether you are slaves to sin which leads to death or to obedience (to God) which leads to righteousness?”

Idolatry comes in more forms today than in the history of mankind.  As Americans, we are afforded, even urged, to worship at the altar of SELF.  Television commericals try to convince us that we “deserve” that new car, or that we just “must have”  the popular new widget-of-the-day.

Today…and tomorrow…and next week, we will have “life and death” situations placed before us.  The choices we make in each of these circumstances will develop a pattern of choosing that has long-term ramifications. 

So, choose to schedule time to take your kids to the park, choose to call your spouse for an impromptu lunch date, choose to call a friend who has been struggling to talk over a cup of coffee.

In other words…CHOOSE LIFE!